
When did you last think about building your “dream” house? Here are a few things to remember before considering the possibility of buying or building a new home.
Remember that building a new home is a good test of the stability of your marriage. If you really want to break up your marriage, this might be a good starting point, one step above having an affair with someone you really don’t like, who is not particularly good in bed either. But, it still requires some significant forethought to avoid major pitfalls, including joint debt, inability of your spouse to pay you alimony, and being stuck with a lemon house in a divorce settlement.
First, I will presume that you do not intend to enter into a commitment to build a new house with your spouse simply as a means to break your marriage contract. After all, there are so many other options to accomplish that purpose, nearly all less stressful, and some of which are much more rewarding in the short-term. Second, I will presume you have enough sense not to build a new house and make major financial commitments with someone you would rather divorce in the short term, thereby deriving significant financial rewards or savings. Third, I will offer some gender specific advice and instructions for how to survive the experience in good form, which means keeping your relationship intact (assuming you think it is worth keeping) and getting those things from the process that are truly important to you.
Guys: Since men have a genetically-determined deficiency in character and must at all times be in control, it is your responsibility to choose a house plan that meets all of your wife’s requirements.
Ladies: It is your responsibility to evaluate each home plan your husband suggests and clearly state, “NO, that will not do! It has to…” or “NO, that will not do! The kitchen (substitute any room or feature here) doesn’t….
Guys: It is your responsibility to learn how to design a home plan that meets all of your wife’s requirements. Computer and software experience is a huge plus. You will otherwise spend zillions of hours reviewing and several million dollars buying home plan books for no purpose at all.
Ladies: If you actually want to stay with your spouse, look at the plans he finds or draws and occasionally tell him, “Well, that (feature) looks good, but I also want….”
Guys: Depending on your personal lifestyle, insist on a suitable workshop (preferably detached so you can make noise), Man-Cave (in the basement), or garage storage space for your motorized toys.
Ladies: Allow your spouse at least one such room or facility if he stays within budget. Tell him to make a choice of which he prefers if necessary. (If you are already rich, this may not apply.)
Guys: Allow your spouse anything she want in terms of Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathrooms, Living Room, Guest Rooms, Closets, Dining Room, Sewing Room, Office, floor covering, furniture, window treatments, landscaping, gardening space, or any other damn thing she wants. Get used to saying, “Yes, Dear.” Remember you only have three basic requirements for life, a television, a Man Cave (or workshop or garage), and a separate old refrigerator in the garage, shop, or Man Cave to hold sufficient beer for a weekend for you and a friend. Yes, there are other worthwhile amenities, but Jesus proved you could go 40 days without food.
Ladies: Allow your spouse at least one room for himself (see above description of spouse personal lifestyle choices). Otherwise, be clear about features in the house you want.
Design Considerations: Since it is the Guy’s duty to choose the home design, here are 12 pertinent points you much consider:
1. If your wife is conscious of such things as ecology and energy efficiency, all windows must face south for solar gain. Exceptions are allowed when you paid extra for a “view lot” and must make all rooms have windows facing the mountains, lake, or whatever. Air-conditioning may become essential, and provision of some windows facing north or east to provide cross-ventilation can be a plus in rare circumstances.
2. The Kitchen sink must be against an exterior wall (preferably South wall or one facing mountain view), with a window over the sink, regardless of whether or not you have a dishwasher.
3. No feature of the house or landscaping may shade the Garden spot.
4. The garage door and driveway may only face north (think snow) if you, personally, are physically able to shovel the drive or run the snow-blower (exceptions for rich people with dependable servants, or if you married a woman of Russian peasant stock who enjoys shoveling snow). The same goes for the primary entrance to the house.
5. The garage must have a pedestrian door leading directly into a utility pantry/mud-room and from there into the kitchen for delivery of groceries. The garage may not block any wall from having a window view. (Think about that.)
6. Secondary bedrooms and bathrooms for children or guests must be in some “other” part of the house, well removed from the Master Bedroom. Your wife may be much more social than you are, but guests and children are noisy.
7. No room used by human beings may be close to noisy traffic, trains, or outdoor activity areas for children.
8. No room may be too cold, too hot, or too close to a noisy appliance.
9. Laundry appliances (which are usually noisy) are usually situated close to the Bedrooms or Kitchen. Don’t ask “Why?” or “What?!!”
10. “Open” floor plans are in vogue. At a minimum, the Kitchen, Dining Room, and Living Room must be combined in one open space. Interior walls that separate rooms demonstrate inferior planning. On the other hand, walls which separate the toilet from the Spa Tub demonstrate clever sensitivity.
11. No home design may contain more than 15 Square feet of “wasted” space, defined as hallway. No room may be too isolated by hallway. Exceptions are allowed if you have Children who require bedrooms.
12. At least half of the architect-designed plans in Home Plan Design books do not show where the water heater, or more especially, the loud heating/air conditioning unit fits within walls, closets, or (if you are lucky) basement space. You darn well better figure that out before you spend hundreds or thousands of bucks buying the plan. (See Item 8 above.)
I hope all this advice is helpful. I have spent many hours in contemplation of these things before developing the list. May you find your new home a dream, not a nightmare.
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