An End to Financial Uncertainty

Mark Hulburt must be important. He has his own financial digest and is a “senior columnist” for Marketwatch, a financial news source I see on the internet a lot.  That means something, doesn’t it?

Here are some samplings of Hulbert’s insight.
June 9, 2010 - “The stock market is now at more or less where it stood at the bottom of the January-February correction. …Contrarian analysts consider this discrepancy to be a bullish omen…”

June 8 - “Monday’s stock market action was particularly discouraging, with the Dow closing below its May 6 intra-day low of 9,870 — the day of the infamous Flash Crash. With that level now broken, investors face the prospect of the stock market decline picking up steam. …within shouting distance of becoming an official bear market…”

On June 4 - “Corporate insiders are betting that recent market weakness is only a correction within a longer-term uptrend.  That’s good news for the stock market, since historically they’ve been right more often than wrong.”

You get the idea, right?  OK, I’m not Ben Bernanke, but Hulbert is obviously all over the map and doesn’t have a clue.  Of course the DOW is going to peak above 14000 in the next two months! Hulbert has no guts. That is his problem. Why the heck would Marketwatch pay that sucker money when they could hire me?

Likewise, there is another great financial blog called “Dripping Oil” which now predicts the imminent demise of British Petroleum (BP) in bankruptcy court.  This, of course, presumes that somebody assassinates the entire team of BP lawyers and catches BP exec Tony Hayward in “flagrante delicto” with the head of the Minerals Management Service at a Bermuda bordello. This is a company reported to make 30 BILLION bucks every year. The chorus of U.S. congresspersons clamoring for a suspension of the BP quarterly stock dividend shows they are getting worried about the security of their regular infusions of oil company cash into campaign chests.  Obviously, the media campaign against BP is starting to take hold in a world of Chicken Little investors and (dare we say?) “self-serving” congressmen.

The premise of the Dripping Oil prediction is so preposterous, that commentors on the blog are offering thousands for the secret to getting such meaningless drivel posted on Google (Goog) financial news.  I propose to show them how, thereby earning huge sums of cash, which I will then gamble and lose in the impending stock market crash just like all these other idiots.    And, I make those predictions on one day, not even wasting three days to write pointless columns of drivel for you to waste your time reading.

Clair Button has regularly shouted out financial advice to the British Exchequer (from a considerable distance,) but clearly, no one is listening.  I suggest you consult with someone more knowledgeable before investing millions.

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