SKYWALKERS AND BRICKLAYERS

Basketball is a fun game to play, terrific exercise, and entertaining to watch ( although there are qualifications on that last, like the six-on-six game the women used to play, and seventh grade boys intramurals). Basketball is also a good game to talk, and it comes with its own vernacular. The following is a beginner’s guide to the terms found on the playgrounds and in the gymnasiums of the country. Beginners will find this somewhat helpful, but the listings are not meant to be complete, as the lingo gets updated frequently. If your only interest in the sport is to watch young athletes cavort for your entertainment in short pants, this will be of no interest to you. If that is your motivation, enjoy. I have been known to watch beach volleyball for similar reasons.

Some of these terms are used to taunt and flaunt, and, on rare occasions, haunt an opponent. Other terms may be complimentary. For example, “the difference between champ and chump is U.” If you can determine whether this is taunting or complimentary, we are making progress. A widely used term is “dunk”. If your only use of this term involves Oreos and milk, this essay will be of little use to you.

Some portions of the country hold hoops to be a religion unto itself, and there are terms that reflect this fervent feeling. You need to understand that “prayer” and “talk to God” mean entirely different things. If I launch a prayer on the court (and I have done this), it means that I need to be in God’s good graces if I have any expectations of this unlikely shot going in the basket. Think of a flying, off-balance, dirty left-handed hook shot, and you will understand “prayer”. When these crazy attempts actually score, your prayer has been answered. A player who can “talk to God” is something entirely different from one puts up a “prayer”. This player can be considered blessed, because it means that he can jump really high; Maybe high enough to talk to the Lord face to face. For the record, no one has ever said that I could talk to God, though a fair number have suggested that it would be a good idea. I suffer from that debilitating condition known as “white man’s disease”, which is the inability to jump high. I share a first name with David Thompson, but no one has ever mistaken me for the original “skywalker”, who had a 44″ vertical jump from a standing start.

The art of rebounding adds a number of terms to our lexicon. If you are a “banksweeper” or a “boardman deluxe”, that means you are able to “eat some glass”, which is to say that you are a collector of “boards, yanks, pulls, and caroms”. If someone has named you “windex”, it means you do an excellent job of cleaning the glass. Backboards are now mostly made of glass, and are sometimes called the “window”.

There is a portion of the court on each end of the floor called the free throw lane, which was originally called the “key” or “keyhole” for its shape. It is now known as the three second zone, “the paint”, “the land of the giants”, and the “Valley of Death”. It is an area mostly inhabited by the larger, more physical players, and it usually suggested that the smaller players not venture into the paint.

The NBA has a group of mid-size players (6′4 to 6′8″) that usually are the dazzling athletes that amaze the crowd. A short list would include Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Julius Erving (known as Dr. J, because he could OPERATE on the court). These players administer “facials” to their opponents by dunking in their face. This is also called “posterizing” because somebody always gets a photo of these dunks, and the pictures are turned into posters for sale.

Players need not only physical but psychological strength as well, because everyone has to learn to deal with “rejection”. This is the act of getting your shot blocked, or “swatted”. A swat will immediately be followed by conversation. “How’d that taste?” “Eat it.” “Did you know that you have Wilson stamped on your forehead?”

The term “shake and bake” refers to a player who can shake loose from his defender, and “burn” him by scoring. “Wheeling and Dealing” describes a spin move, followed by a pass to an open teammate for an easy score. This was first applied to Earl “the Pearl” Monroe, whose original nickname was “Black Jesus” because he did miraculous things. Numerous players have been called “Velveeta” because their play was so smooth.

With the exception of dunks and layups all shots require arch. In math terms, the ball should follow a parabolic arc from the shooter’s hand to the basket or backboard. A flat shot without arch virtually never goes in. A shot that reaches for the sky is sometimes referred to as coming down with snow on top of the ball. That will still stand a better chance of going in than a line drive shot. Shots lifted from close range are called chippies, cherries, bunnies, rabbits, and cripples. Long shots are called treys, triples, or threes. A shooter firing from way behind the three point line will prompt the announcers to say “DEEP!” “downtown” “moon shot”, or “curve of the earth”.

Almost everyone knows the term “Swish”. This has nothing to do with how you walk. It refers to the sound of a shot that goes in without touching the rim or the backboard. That is also called “nothing but net”, or “twine!” A favorite for lots of fans is a ball that rolls around the rim several times before going in or out. That is called a “toilet-seater”.

Sometimes the terms can be confusing. Announcer Dick Vitale uses a complimentary description: “That kid can shoot the rock”!! The terms rock, pill, and apple all refer to the basketball. Confusion enters when someone refers to laying a “brick”. This is not a complimentary term, and the accompanying sound is not going to be a lovely swish, but is more likely to generate a clunk, a thud, or a clang. A player known as a bricklayer, a hod carrier, or a recent graduate of masonry school needs to do a lot of work on their shooting. The fan that wishes to follow the game and its conversation needs to understand the difference between “rock” and “brick”.

I hope this is helpful. It is not meant to be a comprehensive rendering of the slang associated with basketball, but simply a jumping off spot for those who have had their education neglected. If there is doubt, just remember, in basketball, skywalker is good and bricklayer is bad.

Dave Rama

This entry was posted on August 9, 2008 at 20:52 and is filed under Contributing Authors. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.