By Way of Introduction

In the course of time,customs and social behaviors change. That can be a good thing, or if you are an Olde Phoole, maybe less good in your estimation. It has been a very long time since I was introduced to anyone. Those of us in the O.P. category were taught that it was only good manners to introduce people to one another. “Miss Mary Jones, I would like to introduce my friend Mr. John Smith.” There is nothing too complicated about that. Still, in the present time, I almost always have to introduce myself to anyone new, and I always use my first and last names when doing so. This meets with a judgemental look right away. the response is always a first name only. John, Fred, Axman, whatever it may be. Last names are only for the IRS, and in rare cases, an employer. I know that more than one name used in public is not cool, though I have no idea why. Is it just cusssedness? Is it laziness? (This possibility gets a lot of votes in the O.P. group) The other guess from my uncool group is the person can’t remember their own last name, and certainly can’t be bothered to learn two names for you.

I have taken an aggressive stance on this matter. Now when someone tells me they are Arnold or Gandy or Fruitblossom, I say to them, “Oh, you are one of those people with one name, like Elvis or Madonna or Noah.” Or I ask if they have a last name. I have inquired if they are in the witness protection program, or if they are employed by the CIA. They will ALWAYS (eventually), mumble their surname like it was a dirty word. Then, of course, my deafness requires them to repeat it louder. Nobody argues with hearing aids. They may not remember my name when they move on to meet Gwen, or Susie, or Albertina, but they will know I was not cool enough to use one name only. My incorrectness in matters of cool is truly a gift from God.

I find this one name folderol to be an exercise in rudeness. It is not the lack of protocol of a formal introduction that makes it rude by my standards, but rather the fact that this individual finds you unworthy of their attention for more than ten seconds. Is our collective attention span that short? You are missing the human element here, folks. Someone suggests that we stop and smell the roses. If you can’t give more than a cursory greeting to new acquaintances, you may be missing out not on roses, but Rosalee.

My next tutorial on manners is how to execute a proper handshake. That dead fish business makes me vomit. Take a grip on that extended hand. It won’t hurt, and it will inform your new friend that you are present in this world, and not the next one.

If you are not acquainted with me do not throw me a hug like we were bosom friends. There are folks out and about that administer hugs like they were trying to sack the opposing quarterback. I find that to be way past friendly and into the neighborhood of desperation. Hugs are for the deserving and the needy and I am rarely either of those things.

So, now that I have gotten a load off my chest about these topics, what impact will this dissertation have, do you think? I would say approximately nothing. One of the best things about sharing these thoughts is that I feel a lot better. You are welcome to feel better or worse or unchanged as the case may be. If you do in fact, feel better, welcome to the O.P. group. We meet regularly on an unplanned basis. You can sometimes tell who we are by the gray hair, or in some cases, very little hair of any color. Feel free to introduce yourself (using two names, of course), and get a free handshake.

Dave Rama

This entry was posted on June 28, 2008 at 16:36 and is filed under Contributing Authors. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.